I loved her, and it sustained me,
Made me youthful, endure a difficult time,
We never met, may never meet,
She is far, further away than Jerusalem herself,
And now, it ends, and I loved her,
Lost, somewhere in Asia,
Soon to return home to India.
Where is life taking me,
I do not know truly, a step,
At a time, makes me feel bad,
A step in time would better,
Byzantium, Sultan Mehmet,
Europe, the Renaissance,
America, an opiatic haze,
And diamonds I can not buy.
Fantasy for me, imagination,
But all that fades, and her too,
What is left, me, just me,
And what is my little piece,
Of that oldest land, Hindustan.
I would thank her if I could,
I can write to her, pretty, and beautiful,
On the far side of the world,
But my world, the world, it is wrong,
So I changed it, all of it,
I dared to disturb the universe,
And now I will do nothing.
Emptiness descends again.
I will find something to do,
I will tell her all this later maybe,
She will know I hurt, and not for her,
But I doubt even, if she has loved me.
It has been a while, since I have felt,
This sadness, that torments me once more,
This year, frightening, with Covid,
The newest plague, feeling alive,
And giving and creating, gone,
Life as normal, in a world,
Where I am not much.
Had it been different, all of it,
My life, since 17, I may be someone,
On google, with a linkedin, of note,
But now, this sadness descends again,
A melancholia, I lose my fire,
When this happened last,
I was like this, just this,
For five years, the words,
They still flow, but yes,
The fire, the spark goes,
But yes, the Universe is disturbed,
Mine, and I shall see,
As I hide at home, a bit scared and shy,
Watching the world turn,
If my life, is a bit better.
I loved her yes, in my heart,
And wrote little things,
And now, I am myself,
With no regrets, but wondering,
If I can live another five years,
Being reminded each day,
Growing older and older,
How small I am in the world.
Some arrogance, would help.
I suggest time, to myself,
And complaints, and not rage,
For what will I do, with Freedom and Money.
I am happy at home, loved,
But I have her in my heart still,
But the boldness is gone,
The fear returns, and I am shy,
I will have Fajitas today,
Here in Bangladesh,
Mystic, wondrous South Asia,
She is from South America,
And I give in, to what I am,
Etherised, an artist on a table,
Drifting through life,
With some privilege,
Lost in La-La Land*.
Images – From the Internet – Fantasy Digital Art.